The sun creeps in, it's time to open my eyes,
stretch my arms and legs, reach for the dice.
Is it luck? Is it fortune that will control my day,
any power I once had has been stripped away.
I hope and I wish to be given a break
from the days of disgust, self loathing and hate.
Breathing in deep, I go up to the glass
where I see my reflection and hear the enemy laugh.
I'm not due a vacation, I have to persist
a little while longer, feeling like this.
No dinners out, no meeting with friends,
I'm busy, I'm ill I'm living pretend.
The truth makes no sense not even to me,
choices all made based on what I can see.
All the small details making one bigger mess,
perfection, obsession all causing this stress.
I try to purify, cleansing my skin,
But I know this is a battle that I never will win.
Stripping my make up, five, six more times,
Until rage runs through me, water filling my eyes
Piles of clothes on the floor, a mess like my life,
I wanted to leave this house but nothing looks right.
trapped by appearance, losing this game
shaking, not breathing, going insane.
The branches wrap around me, squeezing me tight
a tree from Eden so deadly taking my life.
Five steps backwards, I lay again on my bed,
I was going out but I'm stuck here instead.
