A little insight on self harm.

In the 21st century we know how complex the mind can be and that all sorts of factors can contribute to mental health problems. There's chemical imbalances, environmental factors, hereditary conditions, abuse, trauma etc...
I like to think as a society we're starting to understand mental health conditions a lot more and how much of a struggle it actually is to survive in this forever evolving world.

Yes, I do believe that everyone should have an awareness of mental health issues. It's important to understand that people don't "just "choose" to exhibit certain behaviours. But specifically here and now I want to look at those that call themselves "professionals".

Doctors, nurses, social workers... they all have some sort of element of training that teaches them about the complexities of the mind. They work with patients suffering from mental health conditions and help them to manage their symptoms/behaviours.

Particularly, one  destructive behaviour I want to talk about is self harm. There's such a negative stigma attached to this and many people, even some professionals really do not understand it regardless of their "qualifications".

The Oxford dictionary definition of self harm is: deliberate injury to oneself, typically as a manifestation of a psychological or psychiatric disorder. 

With this description in mind we can know that self harm isn't something that people with a healthy mind thrive on doing. Self harm comes from a very dark place...

The reason I'm writing about this topic in specific today comes from a conversation I had with a friend earlier. Me and this friend both used to live in the same children's home...

I started talking about how I'd like to have surgery if I had the money and asked her if she would consider getting anything done. She then listed the "common" procedures such as "lipo, stretch mark removal" but lastly she finished by saying "I'd like surgery for my scars". We both sympathised with each other on this and had a conversation about how much we wish we could erase the marks of the past from our skin.

The thing is, this could have been a different story. Had staff within the children's home we lived in had a proper understanding of our emotional needs we may not have done this. Self harm I believe is something that unless you've done it yourself, you'll never quite get it. Maybe I'm wrong...

Anyway, most of the staff within this home didn't try to get it at all. There was a psychologist named Esmo who worked with the staff and kids in the home. She trained the staff in what she claimed was the best approach to self harm... "Just ignore it". 

That negative perception stating that "self harmers just want attention" rung so true even amongst those who are supposed to have an understanding of mental health problems. OF COURSE WE WANTED ATTENTION. We needed it. Often children in care have been neglected their whole lives, do they not deserve a bit of love? A bit of affection?

Obviously I can't talk on behalf of those I lived with but for me self harm was something I had picked up within the home from the other kids. It became a coping mechanism for when I was distressed. As the scars would heal, I'd look at my body in absolute disgust and think "why did no one care enough to stop me?". 

All I ever wanted was someone to care about me. Someone to look after me. To be there in my times of distress but instead what did I get? I got ignored. 

I don't care who you are whether you have a degree, masters or even a PHD that claims you know mental health. If you think that people self harm merely for attention, you don't have a clue.

I remember when a staff member pleaded with me not to ever self harm  again...it was the longest period of time I even went without doing it because to think that someone valued me and my life made me see the worth in it. 

Sadly, still to this day training teaches not to give those who self harm any attention. But I can give you an education now that's much more valuable than any who claim they know the mindset behind those who do it but have never had personal experience.

This is real from someone who first hand knows what self harm is really about...

Always go with your intuition. Unless you're a complete robot, you know it doesn't feel right to just ignore the kid who's crying out for help. 

Be there. Care. Help children in your care to know they're worth. To know that they are loved and valued. Engage with them and help them to turn their pain into something else, an activity... whether it be art, sports, singing...

Try and be there to share the weight of their burden. These children have been through so much trauma already, they're supposed to be safe now and able to flourish, reaching their full potentials.

You should be able to go to sleep at night knowing that you tried your best with genuine, authentic care to stop a child from sabotaging their bodies. 

If you want, you can dismiss everything I've written.
You can follow the advice of those who may have the qualifications and "high status"... but then don't be surprised with the guilt that haunts you. Because by ignoring these children, you're somewhat responsible. 

You can say "it was their choice to self harm"...but that's like putting a baby on a table and saying it was their choice to fall off...

Mental health limits capacity and at the end of the day these children are in your care. As the "corporate parents", this is on you.

This is a little insight about self harm and also a friendly warning to those professionals working with societies most vulnerable.

HELP, don't ignore.