David Cameron provides first sign of hope for those in care and care leavers.

Today I read an article titled 'Children in care let down for too long' says David Cameron'. 

The article starts by saying:

Writing in the Sunday Times, the PM promised "zero tolerance" of state failure around social care and a new covenant for those leaving care.

Upon reading this introduction I was obviously intrigued to carry on.  The fact that the government have finally actually put a thought into the social care system provided me with hope. The acknowledgement that the government has failed us as parents provides me with some content. 

He has said: Instead of "rigid rules and processes", social workers will be allowed to use their "experience and common sense to make good judgements". The reason that this is so important is because children in care all so very different and a lot of them very traumatized. Making a certain set of rules applicable for every child in the system can cause a lot of unnecessary distress as every situation is different and needs a different approach from someone with good judgement and knowledge of the circumstances.

With regards to care leavers such as myself, Cameron has pledged to give more support introducing a 'care leavers covenant'. This means that care leavers with clearly know what help they can get from local authorities. He has also said that up to the age of 25 care leavers will receive a mentor who will give them more personalised help.

Obviously this news is very promising however I really hope that Cameron doesn't fall through. Although the government has the power to change laws, make new laws etc essentially it is local authorities that then use them. I don't know about every county but certainly the county I am in is in vast need of improvement when it comes to support for care leavers.

Care leavers have a support worker/ personal advisor. Their job is provide care leavers with guidance and advice helping them to become independent. Care leavers get one of these when they turn eighteen instead of social worker. As often those previously looked after by the authorities have no family they are completely on their own when they turn eighteen hence why they have a PA. Most people still live at home when they are eighteen.

The problem I have is that I don't feel that these workers are getting the correct training. Now I can only speak from my experience but the team I'm under is severely understaffed. Each worker has a bout fifteen or so young people to work with. This means that time is very limited and individual needs get forgotten and devalued. Lots of care leavers don't bother because they don't have the support. They go on benefits and live a simple life which suits support workers. If you push yourself like I have it seems more of an effort for workers and like they almost wish you weren't achieving. 

What these PA's really don't understand is mental health. It's like they expect all young people to be a certain way. They forgot that lots of us have been abused. Lots of us have gone through trauma. Lots of us now have severe mental health problems which they aren't helping with. They're job is to make us independent but they don't seem to get that mental health can cause a strain on this. The stress I've had because of my illness mixed with the lack of knowledge from these workers has been draining. I've not known what to do half the time. The service manager is teaching his team in the wrong way. Teaching staff to work with us like we are the lower members of society. Just making sure that we are alive. Not caring what we do. Where we go.

Although I've gone slightly off topic, it's all relevant. David Cameron wants to improve the lives of care leavers? Then, there's a lot to do. These changes aren't a one man job, the whole system needs a make over and I really hope the government manage to be consistent with what they are going to do.

Here's the original article I read: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-36295213

Panorama exposes teenage prison abuse and it's absolutely unacceptable.

I'm someone fully aware of what a cruel place the world can be. I'm aware of the abuse, discrimination and injustices surrounding vulnerable children. But sometimes I forget how horrible and unfair life is for some young people. 

Today I watched a panorama episode titled: Teenage prison abuse exposed. The link to this epsiode had come up on my Facebook newsfeed and I was intruged so I clicked on it. Five minutes in and my emotions were getting the best of me. I felt overwhelmed.

The programme is reported by 'Robert Charles' who goes undercover with a hidden camera attached to his clothing. He acts as a custody officer for security firm 'G4S'. The aim of this investigation was expose the unprofessional and abusive behaviour of the staff towards the children. The results are disgusting. 

These young people are between the ages of 12 and 18. Lots of them from a care background or suffer from mental/behavioural problems. For healthy development to grow into respectful adults of society these children need help to overcome their problems. 

In this episode there are so many outrageous breaches of power by the staff at the institution:

- Physical abuse - We are told by reporter Robert Charles about the correct training, We are told that restraints should only be carried out when neccisary. In this video we hear the staff talking about how much they want to hurt the children. We see them unnecessarily and inappropriately restraining the children in the incorrect ways, intentionally hurting them and enjoying it. 

- Not recording incidents/ lying about incidents - Robert is told by 'colleagues' about how incidents are not reported if they show a 'lack of control' for example four of the young people fighting. This is because the institution would face potentially being shut down. We also see that when staff initiate physical violence that they report it as the young person attacking them. 

This is a complete abuse of power. These are societies most vulnerable children and they do not deserve that. Between the age of 12-18 our brains are still developing and are at a crucial point. If trauma continues through this age it can be seriously damaging causing severe mental issues. Not only that but mistreatment of youths in prison often result in re offending. 

I am someone who has always tried to do good. I've never wanted to break the law or commit crime and yet I've been arrested, I know how unjust the world can be. I also know how childhood trauma can cause you to be seriously messed up as a teenager. I think many authorities such as the police, prison officers etc need further training on how to appropriately deal with teenagers. I do believe that sensitivity and more understanding is needed.

After years of abuse and over twenty foster placements I went into a children's home and I remember this made me very unsettled. I remember the police were called due to this and the police officer had no compassion at all. At twelve years old he called me a 'slag' amongst other things and threatened to pepperspray me. After looking up to police officers this traumatised me.

Now I know that not all police officers are like that, I respect what the police do so much. They look after our country and keep us all safe. I've always had that view so when that happened to me it was horrible.

But the sad reality is that there is a discrimination against young people. I'm someone who was abused as a child and assaulted by a staff member who worked in my children's home. Those adults who did that to me don't have any warnings on their record. But me, someone who has always respected the law even with the life I've had, does. 

I don't know if there's any justice is the world but there sure as hell needs to be. The treatment of those kids in that prison was absolutely unacceptable. Society will keep going round in an endless circle if something isn't done. These teenagers will grow into disrespectful adults have disrespectful children and so on and so on. There needs to be a change in this never ending tragic story. 

I really hope soon the government will tackle this discrimination and for once and all end it.

Here is this panorama episode, please watch it and share! Thank you. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b06ymzly/panorama-teenage-prison-abuse-exposed

First post of 2016: A new year, for some.

Sooooo, that's it, 2015 has been and thankfully gone!

No, 2015 wasn't an all bad year for me. I started Uni, I got a new job...

I could say '2016 is gonna by my year' but honestly, all I want is for 2016 to be a year where things don't go completely wrong for me.

January can be quite a sad month for a lot of people but frankly I'm quite glad that Christmas and New Years are over. They're both holidays that are over commercialised leaving care leavers and others feeling unwanted, unimportant and suicidal.

Who says that Christmas alone is a horrible thing? Who says that being without family at this time is the worst thing in the world?
It's all in our heads. Christmas, New Years, Valentines day... they can all be whatever we want. It's society that brings people down with the idea of a 'perfect Christmas' or a 'perfect new star to the year'.

New years day was great for me, I got to meet up with one of my best friends in Worthing. As I got to the train station on my way home I saw that all of the trains were delayed. The man working said how someone had jumped on the railway line at Arundel.

New Years day, the start of the year and someone had decided to taken their life. Why is New Years a time when this happens? Because of commercialisation! My heart mourned for that person and what they must have been going through. 

People say 'suicide is selfish' and 'they should have been thinking about their family'. This frustrates me so much. The people that say these things must not have a clue about how cruel life can be. We have one life, do you realise how far someone has to be pushed to not want the opportunity of living anymore? And there's always a presumption that's there's loved family members devastated by the death, how do you even know they weren't completely alone? Or that their family members aren't already dead? You don't and the assumptions really ought to stop.

I hope that every person feeling suicidal gets the help they need before it's too late. When you're in that place, the picture is so small.

I really like the film 'A long way down'. Whenever I'm feeling sad, it cheers me up. It's about four people who all go to the same place on top of a building somewhere in London on new years eve to end their lives. They all become great friends and unite together in finding happiness and individual meaning in their lives. Definitely watch it.

Rest in Peace to all those who sadly took their lives over the season.

The hard times have led up to this moment.

I've reached a point in life now where I feel I can start to say that 'all the crap I've been through, all the pushing myself to extreme limits has led to this moment'.

It's been 21 long, stressful years but I feel I can start to breath again. Don't get me wrong, I'll never put my guard down and I'll always be cautious about everything but for the first time in forever I feel some sense of normality.

I'm at University. I'm gaining a degree. No one can tell that I've had a bad upbringing. I just blend in and it's kind of nice. It's not like at school where I might have had behavioural problems or missed classes. Or had a different person take me to every parents evening. Like the obvious 'troubled home life identifiers'. No one knows anything about me.

Don't get me wrong there's still things that link me with the past.

The other day I got a voicemail saying that there was an error on the University registration system because my term time address and non term time address were the same. So, I went down and explained how I don't have a home outside of University so it was my only address and I got given the strangest looks from this man. Then, the lady was like 'Oh that's odd, I've never had that before'.

At the time this made me feel like crap. It's almost like there was some sort of hierarchy of like students, then people who were in care but still have some family and then me, a  care leaver with no one. Buuuut I got over this quickly and I'll tell you why.

I decided to shine another light on what she said. 'I've never heard that before'. It's something I've had said to me a lot in my life. Someone in a children's home who doesn't smoke? - 'I've not seen that before'. Someone who achieved there GCSE's whilst living at Seaside children's home - 'That's not happened before'... like these are all good things! I'm setting precedent. I'm an individual. I'm glad there's not many people like me. It means people will remember me. It means I can make changes and make a difference.

The life I've had has been horrible.  Even this year has been horrendous. But I kind of get it more now. These unique sets of unfortunate circumstances have built me up and made me into someone capable of achieving great things and someone who understands deeply life so, so deeply.

I've made it this far and I'll keep on making it. 

Personality problem poem.

I've never claimed to be a psychiatrist,
I don't know the anatomy of the brain.
I can't give out prescriptions,
I can't diagnose someone 'insane'.

But torn up bits of plain A4 paper,
Are no good to anyone.
Neither is an unfinished canvas,
Or an unloaded pistol gun.

Am I connected to the world,
is my soul sleeping or awake?
What direction do I go in now?
How many steps do I even take?

Analysis and analysis,
thinking over and over again.
The lines are so blurred over now,
I don't know what's real and what's pretend.

What am I even parts of?
I thought I was the manipulator of reverse psychology.
Why is nothing ever the same?
I thought I could choose who I wanted to be.

We were born a certain way,
and I guess some ways are considered bad?
I used to observe other people,
To see what it was that I didn't have.

I can't believe how desperate I was for affection,
a sad, pathetic and lonely girl.
I copied others mannerisms,
And I destroyed my whole entire world.

I was broken into loads of pieces,
Thousands of tiny shards.
Kind of like that A4 paper,
but even more useless as broken glass.

Everything is spinning,
My mental health is becoming poor.
I want to treat the problem
But I don't know how to anymore.

People expect me to have plans,
and know what I aspire to be.
Yes, I need to set goals
but how can I without a fixed personality?

Poem - I am a care leaver.

Photo's and memories, the two can be contradicting,
In my first five years of living I never thought I'd become a victim.
My brother came a long and it was like my mother died,
At the time I didn't realise I'd been pushed aside.
I remember the first time, being dragged up the stairs,
My lip scraping against the carpet while I was yanked up by my hair.
For the next five years the memories kind of blurred,
Cursing and then a whack for saying the wrong word.
Alcohol all around, a bit of marijuana too,
Things got more chaotic, I had no clue what to do.
My so called mother was getting crazy, my stepfather decided to go,
They had had enough of each other and now my mother was really low.
Along with being low she had to so much more rage,
Taking it out on me, I remember being so afraid.
No one really knew and no one really cared,
She humiliated me in public and numerous people would stare.
I lost all my friends because she decided to shout in the street too,
Screaming in the front garden, now the neighbours finally knew.
She got taken away in a car and people fussed over me,
I didn't know how to feel, what was going to happen to me?
My brother went to his dads and I was passed around,
Family to more family and town to village to town.
I was so unsettled, I refused to eat any food,
We saw my mother in hospital and then she was out pretty soon.
She didn't really want me back with her, she could only cope with one child,
So I was put into care and that made me pretty riled.
After many placements I went back to live with her,
That broke down real quick as she was still the same abuser.
It's weird because she only ever hurt me and never touched my brother,
I remember wondering 'why did I have to have this for a mother?'.
I was taken back into care and went to over twenty different places,
So many new walls and so many 'concerned' faces.
Eventually at twelve years old after two years of moving around,
I got put in a children's home in another seaside town.
My head got so messed up there, it felt like I was in hell,
Overdosing, cutting and overnights in police cells.
I was surrounded by drama but yet still I kept trying,
Even though most nights I would end up crying feeling like I was dying.
The only one in school, I received 9 A-C GCSE's,
How I managed that, I don't know. It was far from easy.
I then wanted to do college, how ambitious was I?
Society says kids in care are just meant to fail and then die.
Two staff members hurt me, one on the day of my maths test,
So then I got really sad as I had to drop that AS.
I still had three to do though, so I had to stay on the ball,
However it's kind of hard to do that when you keep getting admitted to hospital.
The staff didn't care about me and I just couldn't cope,
I cut my arm way too deep and a few times I overdosed.
After all this it was decided I should move out earlier to live alone,
April 2012 I moved, after five painful years inside that children's home.
I did then become ill from dealing with all of the stress,
I got shingles for the second time whilst taking my end of year tests.
Second year of college I found myself struggling more and more,
I got a job working part time job in a health and beauty store.
I was running out of money and by then I had little hope,
That's when I decided to give drinking and escaping a go.
I had to drop out of college I was given no choice at all,
All my dreams and plans gone, I was now faced by a massive brick wall.
I kept determined though because otherwise all the resilience would have been for nothing,
No matter about the lack of help I still wanted to become something.
I became homeless at one point but didn't want that to define me,
I still had many goals and one was to go to university.
I got a place on a course that isn't really for me,
I start in September but I still don't feel happy.
Because of my lack of credits I can't study anything I actually want to do,
No one will give me a chance but they don't even have the slightest clue.
I'm on my last life line or at least that's how I feel,
My mentality is all over the place, I don't even know what is real.
Maybe there is will be hope someday, or maybe hope is for the dreamer,
This is a brief up to date outline of my life, I am a care leaver.

My view on the potential loss of housng benefit as a care leaver.

I am a care leaver who has been forced to live independently since the age of seventeen. At seventeen years old I was still in my first year of sixth form college. Up until I was eighteen social services were obliged to pay for my accommodation. Once I turned eighteen social services were no longer responsible for me. I was told that I would have to apply for housing benefit to fund my rent. I am a resilient young person who has always been very anti claiming benefits and who has wanted to break the negative stereotype young people in care are given. I worked my hardest whilst studying yet I could still not afford the rent so I agreed to accept housing benefit. Due to the numerous flaws already existing in our welfare system I could not complete my A levels anyway because of financial difficulties in commuting to college. This meant I had to drop out and work. I managed to find a flat share because being the type of person I am, I did not want to claim benefit for a whole flat that I did not need.

If I did not have housing benefit to pay for my share of rent I would have been homeless. At seventeen years old when you are looking for your first job you face so much rejection from lack of experience in the work industry. I was lucky and managed to find work within retail however the majority of jobs in retail are part time, finding full time work was almost impossible. Even if I was working full time I would not have been able to afford somewhere to live, bills, food etc because of how low pay I was receiving. Minimum wage for eighteen year olds is £5.13 an hour, how are we expected to make a living from that?

In my opinion the government can not expect care leavers to legally stay in education until they have completed year thirteen. Work full time to pay for rent, food etc. AND not receive any sort of benefit. The government wants Britain to be full of hard working people. Care leavers can not become hard working people if they are never given the resources to start out.
I believe the government will not target societies most vulnerable young people and those who want to achieve however in case I am wrong I first hand testify to the government that cutting all benefits for care leavers will cause for a destructive future. Unemployment will rise, homelessness will rise,  health costs will rise and the governments worst fear will rise - 'Laziness'.